Once in a while this Gourmet Empress steps down from the Haute dining scene to have a taste test of peasant like proportions. After all many delectable cusines throughout history originated from the underclass. We've all seen the transformation of ratatouille from a poor proletariat dish to a remake into a pop culture iconic cusine. Thus, this critic firmly feels that the occasional spontaneous taste test via descending from her throne is very much justified...or so I thought. What was expected to be a decent meal turned out to be a disaster of epic proportions in all aspects of the dining experience. Yes that's right...not even the street people of East Hastings would be able to stomach the junk that Ichiban-ya serves even with their tolerant digestive systems.
Located at 770 Thurlow Vancouver, Ichiban-ya is situated directly across Joe Fortes and Aki Japanese Restaurant. The entrance to this vile eatery is underground...think of the analogy of hell on earth.....The interior is a mix of cheap christmas decorations fron the $2 shop and dilapidated furniture repainted black to look somewhat decent. Budget much? This sinister restaurant is clearly Chinese owned so that's already resulted in several red flags. Yet my recent visit to Dajia Japanese Restaurant on Denman left me pleasantly delighted...that and I was lazy to waltz across the street to Aki Japanese Restaurant so I decided to stay and give this place a chance.
Red Flag no.1:
As I selected several dishes, the waitress and the manager had no clue as to what I was ordering. How can you operate within the F n D industry without even knowing your menu?
Red Flag no.2:
The few people who were dining at the time were red necks from Surrey. A refined palate is non existant.
Red Flag no.3:
I asked for Hirame Sashimi...they had no idea what that is and instead brought me Tai(Snapper) sashimi and asked me if that was the same as Hirame. I removed my glove and smacked the manager across her greasy mug.
Red Flag no.4:
The plates were utterly filled with dust and dirt. Neither Mary Poppins nor any Filipino maids were present at the scene.
Red Flag no.5:
Now one of the biggest issues I have when dining out is that I must be physically comfortable. I noticed once I sat down that every single table in this shoe box underground that traps heat has at least two bright ceiling lights beaming down on them. The glare left me highly irritable.
Red Flag no.6:
THE FOOD
Tuna Tataki 1/5:
You have to be devoid of any taste buds to go wrong with this dish but guess what...they did. The tuna was barely fresh and the addition of the hot sauce made it dysfunctional.
Spicy Chopped Scallop Roll 1/5:
Any decent Japanese restaurant understands that the classic Spicy Scallop and Tuna sushi rolls MUST be made with Japanese Mayonnaise. The chefs at Ichiban-ya were obviously clueless.
Seafood Fry 1/5:
This dish was so greasy that merely glancing at it left me saturated in oil. It did not come with any sauce or dressing to lessen the overtly greasy texture.
Smelt (Shishamo) 1/5:
This dish is labelled "Smelt" on the menu. The correct name for it in terms of Japanese dining is Shishamo. Again like the Tuna Tataki its a dish that is difficult to go wrong. Yet, this Shishamo was undercooked and drenched in a sweet soy saunce which they then expect you to later eat it with mayonnaise?
Oytster Motoyaki 1/5:
The Oysters were not properly cleaned. I waited a few hours after injesting a small portion of this dish to determine whether or not I could instigate a law suit. Lucky for them the small dose of contamination was insufficient in poisoning my system.
Amaebi Sashimi 0/5:
I have to begin by saying that neither the server, the manager nor the chef knew what I meant when I ordered Amaebi Sashimi. And they dare refer to themselves as a Japanese restaurant? On top of this the shrimp seemed like some cheap malay baby shrimp from South-East Asia where its only purpose is either crushing into a prawn paste or turning it into one of the variations of dried packet shrimp. Again, they chose to use the hot sauce.
I think its blatantly obvious to all that this place should be avoided at all costs. Service is bad. The atmosphere is terrible. Cleanliness is a major issue and the food is atrocious. For what you are getting (which is nothing) the prices are ridiculous. All up this regretful taste test cost me $58.75. Needless to say I did not tip and had to rely on cup cake icing to conceal the filth I had injested. Minami Haruka's advise to the owners? Inconspicuously burn down your shoebox and claim the insurance.
